Saturday, June 29, 2013

So, what can & should I do?

Nowadays, Facebook has becoming a popular channel for many people to voice out their point of view, as well as their problems, their feelings etc.  It is good to share, and it is good to have feelings.. haha.. What is that- “it is good to have feelings”? lolz.. haha.. My argument for this statement is, if we don’t have the feeling of losing /failure, we won’t experience the joyous for the victory/ the gains.. We need to have feelings..  It doesn’t matter whether at that certain point of time the feeling is positive or negative, as long as we can face it and handle it with a positive mindset and use our wisdom to convert the negative into positive..

But the thing is, after writing those posts, do we really take concrete actions to change/ to solve the problems? Do we ask back ourselves, what can and what should we do? When we get upset, when we get lost, when we feel stressed, when we get disappointed, when we feel bored, when we get panic, when we feel nervous, when we are confused, so, what can and what should we do? Ask good questions, take concrete actions.. The word “action” comprises more than the word itself, it has more meanings: in term of efforts, practice, determined, perseverance, passion, self-discipline, continuously and repeatedly etc.. We can always say something, but not everybody can act as what they said.. We can always say something, but how if the condition got into unfavorable state or when things just got messed up out of sudden? Keep the faith and goes on? Can we be that determined? Can we keep our passion till the end? Can we do it continuously and repeatedly while there seems nothing has improved? Can we still remember our goals and direction as time passes? And, yea, we are the one who are listening to our answer..

Sometimes, fast doesn’t mean we are efficient or systematic..  Perhaps, it needs practice and experience to master and do things fast and efficient..  And we can’t gain the experience without ourselves taking actions..  And as such, don’t ever say something sarcastic or not nice to hear to those people due to jealousy or whatnot, because, we will never know how much they have shed the sweats, how long they have spent the time, how much barriers they have overcome in order to achieve their goals, as the quote goes: “before you start to judge me, step into my shoes and walk the life I’ve been living and if you get as far as I am, just maybe you will see how strong I really am.”

Sometimes, we may need to slow down our pace, to look at the small details, to discover more, to listen more, to feel more, where we might not have realized that if we keep moving with a very fast speed.. Relax and take things easy.. Results don’t mean for others to see..  We are witnessing our own improvement, to how far we have actually gone from the original point..  If we can’t see the changes as what we wished to, maybe we are not putting enough effort for that, or it is not in the right path.. Put more effort.  Work even harder..  Do the best as we can, as if there is the last chance for us to strive for.. There is no “try the best” as there might not have “trial” or second chance for us..

It reminds me about my experience in learning Korean language at my university life..  I have never thought that I will take Korean language, as the subject is not compulsory, and once you took it, the grade will be counted in, ignoring it is good or bad.. If it is good, it will increase the gpa of course, but slightly, not so much in fact; and if is not, it will definitely pull down the gpa..  Regardless that, I decided to take it, alone..  Everything starts with zero.. I don’t have the basic for Korean language.. I love Korean drama, but that doesn’t mean that I am pro at Korean language.. I did have the strong feeling of giving up at first.. I couldn’t catch up with the pronunciations and the vocabulary, grammar at the beginning..  It was like entering into an alien’s world..  I scared that I couldn’t handle it well and results in the falling of my gpa..  But I insisted to take it after all, the reason is, I fought for a place for the Korean class, I really fought for that, because the Korean class has its quota, not everyone that wish to learn the Korean language can actually have that opportunity, and I got it, and so, I shouldn’t have given it up so easily..  I made up my mind to take the risk..  And, yes, I managed to obtain an A for my level 1..  
As for level 2, it was even more challenging.. That time I was in second year..  Again, I had the feeling of giving up.. The Korean class was on Tue, and the class schedule on Tue was almost full, from 8am to 6pm, non-stop..  If I didn’t take the Korean language, I would have two hours break.. Furthermore, I sat at the very far behind seat, alone.. Sometimes I could hardly hear and see.. Sometimes I just couldn’t catch up.. Sometimes, I didn’t understand..  I felt helpless sometimes.. I couldn’t help myself to look for somebody to refer to as I am just too shy to ask..  Adding on, I needed to walk around from the SSK class at DKAP to FBMK, then from FBMK rushed back to FEP.. I still remember there had been once or twice that it was raining while I rushed to FBMK for the class.. While it was raining, my heart was raining too--Why I had to do all these? But that is my choice.. I still remember.. I felt upset as my assignment didn’t do well..  And then I consoled myself that, life is not just about academic achievement.. I might get upset for not getting a good result, but, if I were to give up learning my second level, later on if I graduate, I guess I would regret –why I give up while I get the golden opportunity to learn? There were people that couldn’t get a place as the class quota was full.. Then again, I persisted to take the 2nd level..  I still remember my carrying mark wasn’t that good.. I could only loss four points in final in order to get an A..  And out of my expectation, I managed to get it.. How happy am I as the process that I had gone through in 2nd level is full of ups and downs!

Then, I skipped one semester before I took level 3 so that I have one semester to study on my own.. But I didn’t do as what I promised to myself as I was busying with other subjects..  What excuse is that! Feel sorry for myself.. That is how we can see the needs and importance of self-discipline.. lolz..
 Most people said the 3rd level language subject is a killer.. So what? It left only one step in order to complete all the three levels.. This time, I won’t give up easily no matter what..  Perhaps it might also be the perseverance that I have gained indirectly from my experience in learning 2nd level that kept me moving..  

And I did enjoy a lot in my level 3.. As long as we are interested on the subject, we will find that the process can actually have a lot of fun, though, I would feel asleep sometimes while she was teaching.. haha.. There have been a time I got into a dilemma, where that day had an extra class for Korean language, at the same time, there was an internship briefing, I got to choose which one to go.. It was raining cats and dogs.. I was at FEM that time, and the briefing was at FEM too.. It would be more convenient for me to go for the internship briefing..  But at last I choose to go for the extra class.. Reason? Don’t know.. I just follow my heart.. I got bit wet and the class already started when I reached.. However, that was the time where I really pay full attention to the class and I did learn a lot..  I guess I had made a wise decision that time.. lolz..haha..
I still remember how touched I am during the last Korean language class.. omg.. Without realized, we had actually gone so far from the original point.. Feel happy.. Feel touched..

Thinking back, if I were to give up at the beginning, or in the middle, or in the last step, I won’t have that happiness, satisfaction, joyous, excitement and the touched feeling where words can’t describe! And it is funny to tell that I love Korean language even more than I was in the first level! (^_^)

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Lets create great n beautiful memories

Memory is such a wonderful things~ As time pass, it won't change and it can't be erased neither~
As usual, I’m back to my lovely hometown during the semester break.. The house is getting much more quite as compared to last time..  I always have an illusion that my grandma will b there to welcome me back.. The memories I shared with her are still fresh in my heart.. I miss the sweet memories that we had together, seriously, desperately.. In fact, I should have created more memories with her..  I still remember the episode where her youngest son came back from KL to see her..  He has always been a kind son and my grandma although can’t help herself to open her eyes as she was so energy-less that time, but I know, she could feel the love, hear that voice calling.. She knew he were there, she knew that, as there had some hot tears flowing down from her eyes when he called her, telling that he had come back..  All these scenarios are still fresh in my mind, and whenever I think about it, I can still feel the pain.. The feeling is even stronger when I am back home, where she supposing would be there..  There is no turning point in life..  After all these, I will come back to the real world, telling myself that she had already gone to another world and will never ever be here anymore, but it is ok, as she is in my heart.. While my heart is still beating, she will always n forever lives in my heart.. I had been trying so hard to comfort myself that there is no use to cry as we can never be able to change the fact, or say “I love you” for so many times, wondering she could ever hear that..  I think I am getting better now as I have been learning to face my emotions, to let go and to live at present..  And it is important to live at present.. Yes, really important..
The place that grandma used to be there~ I miss U.. love you forever, grandma~
Create a great and beautiful memory while the time allows.. Perhaps it might not b a big and complicated one, but it must b a great one..  It can just be a fun talk, maybe just sitting side-by-side silently, spare times together, laugh together, sampat together, or heart-to-heart talk together..  Simple yet great one.. Somebody did tell me that, if you want to have or maintain a good relationship with others, you got to sacrifice your time for them.. hmm.. Should replace the word “sacrifice” with the word “devote” or “give” I think hehe.. “Busy’ has always been an excuse for people most of the time..  But, I had seen a quote saying that: there is no actual “busy”, it is about the priority.. May be, it is truth..
I understand that a newborn must balance up with death..  Fair and square..  That’s something everyone will experience.. None of us can escape that.. In fact, everyone knows that, but not everyone are truly aware about that or they just act as if he or she will live the world forever..
Be grateful..  Life is full of obstacles, tests and problems.. It is sometimes easy said than do.. Not much people can actually do what they have said or fulfill their promise either for ownself or for the sake of others, especially when things just go the opposite way, or it is so full of obstacles, or got fed up as time passes.. Keep the faith and have hope & passion..  Be ready.. Get prepared to face any circumstances.. Learn how to complete the mission and defeat all the monsters that come over to test our faith..  After seeing quite a number of real-life stories that happened to some people, after some inspiring readings, or we can simply look at every day’s news, that there are lots of tragedies that actually happened around the world..  And of course, at the same time, there are beautiful things too.. haha..  The thing I want to emphasize again and again is, life is so unexpected..  Appreciate the present moment.. Keep positive, stop complaining as there are people that suffered so much to fight for life and they don’t even know whether they will win the battle after all those hurtful, painful sufferings, or wondering after won the battle will that strike them again, or there are people that can’t see, can’t hear, can’t speak, or without limbs or they had been once able to see, hear, speak, or with perfect limbs, but those gifts had been taken away from them for any reasons, or those that have lost everything-the properties and the loved one due to disaster or accident or whatnot, and they still manage to stand up and keep themselves moving on.. Feel blissful that if not of their inspiring stories, I won’t have realized so many things.. Or I will keep being pessimistic and negative and it shouldn't be that way.. I wonder how the frequency functions to bring me to discover or come across to know all these, by chance, or whatsoever the reason it is, thanks anyway for all those inspiration..
Go for the life you really want to, and start it off with the innermost heart..  Be alert and try to find out and discover the beauty in life, as well as the blissful gifts that have been given to us..  Practice kindness, give out our love whenever possible, and find the true meaning in life, because those are the powerful properties that one’s should own and those are the properties that won’t be taken away unless we want to! True love should not be defined or limited to only bf v gf’s relationship; it can also exist in just organism v organism’s relationship. True love is simple, unconditional. It shouldn't make our life so complicated and troublesome that there are people that would rather forsake everything in life and go suicide just for love, if it does, it is not a true love..  There had been times where I really felt that love is so fake and dirty, I had been doubted about love, BUT now my mind changes..  True love will give people warm and hope, if it ever gives people negative feelings, then that is not a true one..  Let go the fake one and be aware of the true one.. Do not try to close the heart so hard despite those betrayal or whatever, because we might need to double up the effort in order to open the closed heart again.. Do not stop to believe in true love! Never ever stop showing or sending our love to others while we still got the chance to do so!  =)

Sunday, June 23, 2013

A beautiful video about life

I have been watching this video over and over again.. it is extremely nice! haha..
Perhaps it is just a story, yet, it is so real in the world..
we might not have that super powerful eye to look into people's heart--what happened to them, how they actually feel and so on, but we know, deep inside everyone's heart contains the little story, some encounters, some hurtful experience, or some joyous things etc, just like you and I do, right? if we were to know theirs, what will we do? or, what changes will we make? but the thing is, we will never know that unless we are so understand to the particular person.. and even if we know their happenings, we can put ourselves in their position, catch what they feel, but being different entity, we can't 100% feel what they actually feel deep inside their heart..
besides that, with the world full of materialistic, can we really listen to our innermost voice? or chasing all those "outer" things blindly: the power, the pride etc.. perhaps, all those "outer things" can only bring us temporary satisfaction or happiness, it won't last long, as v might want more and more, or better and better, or newer and newer, or modern and modern and on and on.. perhaps the one that can bring us to the permanent happiness is the fulfillment of the inner voice, the spirit.. somemore, it might be the failure to meet the needs of the innermost heart that make people turns to the outer world.. do not get trapped by illusion..
listen to our innermost voice, know who we are, know what we really want, focus on it, and begin to find solutions from inner heart and not from the outer one.. if u r lost, pick yourself up again without giving up, at least bit by bit, repeatedly, continuously till v see our effort yields the results =) we might get loss sometimes, but we can find back ourselves too.. keep going.. keep positive.. it is the heart, the spirit, the mind that matter.. blessed =)

Friday, June 21, 2013

Format those nagatives

Finally, i got my blog "formatted" by deleting all the posts that consist of too much negative elements inside..
Omg, looking back, i had been so negative and pessimistic, and i hereby, promise myself not to be that  negative again! that's how my mind changes as time pass by..lolz.. haha..
Today ends my third year uni life.. still have one more year for me to enjoy my uni life, as well as to enjoy being a student.. Perhaps, that will be my last chance to experience what a student suppose to experience, to face all the assignments, all the exams, presentation, and most importantly, the FYP.. Hope that i will work hard for my FYP without any grumbling as FYP is just so challenging, but as I know, there are other things which are even tougher than FYP, right? tell myself, not to grumble even if get into an unfavorable condition..
if you were to ask me whether i'm satisfied or enjoyed my uni life, so far, I will definitely answer u, YES, I DO! Lets see, credited to my dear coursemates, I got opportunity to attend the blackout rally.. that's really an eye-opening experience to me, and that event really touched me deep into the heart- be able to see all the people there are so united, so brave, to see their fighting spirit, their care towards the society, to take the courage and stand out for justice.. u will never know how it actually feel like until u experience it.. Never in my mind will I think that i would be there too, to be one of the participant among thousand people there.. frankly speaking, i do feel kinda scared, but what overcome my fear is: if u don't do what u wish to do, u might never get the chance again.. and due to that, i got myself attended, and thereby, i feel the indescribable feeling.. it is so so touching!
Besides, i had my first time to go oversea, to Thailand during my third year of degree, and it is not just an ordinary trip, it is a one-week exchange program.. I was definitely say, i am just so lucky as I had been looking for those exchange program in Taiwan, and in Thai too, but things just go no avail, either no response given, or the response is just disappointing.. However, it brought me to hope when our lecturer introduce us to the mobility program on one occasion.. The chance comes, and I grasped it and there i create good memories with my lovely and caring coursemates that really take care of me so much during the period at Thai, as u know, i'm kinda blur blur thing.. haha..
And one more, thanks a king, Regen for fulfilling my wish! haha.. how fruitful am i! haha.. i enjoy hiking so much though the process is just so exhausting, but when u reached the top of the hill, when u r able to see the beautiful scenery, when u are so close to nature, that feeling is just nice.. haha.. hope i didn't bring too much troublesome to u guys and hope u all enjoy the climb too! haha..
And now i understand why my application to go to Taiwan for the exchange during the mid-term break was not successful.. I am just blessed though i was complaining it at first-why the application not successful? why the advisor turns up to be like that? why why why? and now i know, if i were to go Taiwan that time, i might hate the place so much as my grandma passed away at that period.. In fact, I am so blessed.. 
Also, i got many astonishing news.. feel blessed that i'm able to encounter many different people with their own story, either someone that I recognized , or a stranger where i got to know their story by occasion, where some of their story really inspired me so so much.. oh my goodness, the more i discovered, the more i feel: what the tests given to them! that's just too inhumane to them.. then after i started to think differently.. in fact i like philosophical things very much since long time ago, i like to search for the philosophical things, don't really know the reason, maybe is to fulfill my inner soul, haha, but the point is, their story had deepen my insight and widen my view--there is just so many of unexpected things in life.. u will never know what will happen next, or what or who will no longer be there anymore, or what you own now, or taken granted for, might be taken away slowly or at once.. no one knows, and that makes the life exciting.. "Appreciate and live your life with no regret", that's one of my friend, who is a cancer survivor, and at the same time is also a future doctor that told me about this. He inspired me in the way where he had never given up fighting for his dream even if he faced so many dilemma, so much pain, so much hurtful, torturing side effects after the treatments.. omg, it is already hard to pursue degree of Dr., it is already very hard to withstand all the side effects of treatments, and it is unimaginable to how much extend the hardness is to fight for the dream to be a doctor while having to withstand all the side effects coming to him! salute him, his strong willpower, his optimistic, his spirit etc.. glad that he had conquered the battle, and still won after some years.. Pray and bless him for permanent health.. believe that he will be indeed a very good doctor in future..all the best!
after encountered quite number of people with their own different story, where some really so so hurtful, either physically or psychologically, i really feel that we are actually being blessed so much.. appreciate the bonus gifts given.. 
perhaps that is why i try to open up myself , dig my closed heart bit by bit, and learn how to share, because i know, there have my family and my friends that love me and care about me so much, and I should receive their love and care, or i might hurt them, and hurt myself too, right? be positive, as positive attracts positive, and also, what u think that might b negative, but to others, that is really not a big deal or just incomparable, as there are even tougher problems, as the chinese idiom goes: 一山还有一山高! haha.. perhaps there r people that facing the same problems as u do.. it is the mind that decides which destination to go next, before  everyone reach the ultimate destination.. have a great testimony before the ultimate destination comes.. live at present and try to do the best every single moment for whatever deeds it is.. coz as u r doing, it might be somewhere there is recording.. mayb, i am strongly believe in karma..i believe in faith that guide me to the right things haha..
never ever stop to give love, care and kindness to others, because these are the things that are so powerful, so valuable, so priceless and are the strong tools to give hope to others.. 
=)

Saturday, June 8, 2013

这里
有您的痕迹
可再也没能见到您
摸到您
听到您

回到这儿
没有一天不想您的夜
别说那是脆弱
那是对心灵的坦诚

就如 Mitch Albom 《一如重生》里所说的:
妈妈过世后多年后,我给自己列了两个清单,一张单子上列着妈妈为我挺身而出的事情;另一张单子上列着我没有为妈妈挺身而出的事情。很悲哀,两个单子长短差距很大。
如果把应该和妈妈在一起而没有在一起的时间累加起来,恐怕也有一辈子那么长了。

抽多点时间陪您,让您欢笑,逗您开心,给您更多的爱心,更alert您需要些什么,去了解您,去明白,去体谅,去分析您想要的。。等等等。。。或许您渴望的就是这些无价之宝~时间,爱,就这么简单~

您的离开
明白到每个人 final destination都是相同的
让我觉得一切就像是illusion
有存在过吗?

直到今天看回您跟阿爷以前的合照
看着那满满灰尘的相簿
和阿爷的字迹(相片拍摄日期)
那时我都还没出世呢
原来从呱呱坠地开始您就陪我
直至您离开
原来那不是原来
那是本来的
只是缺少了发现

原来是存在的

您教会了我,什么才是最珍贵的:时间,爱,体谅,关心,陪伴~
这一切看似很小的事情,但却拥有最强大的威力~给人希望,给人温度~

阿嫲,我永远永远都爱着您

您离开已有约两个月
日子一天一天过
一秒一秒流逝
离您离开的时间越长
见您的日子就越来越近了

感觉好热
懒洋洋地要起身去开风扇
想起了以前
都是您帮我开风扇
帮我开灯的。。。